We created this blog to tell the world about our beloved daughter Vitoria, who with acrania and anencephaly, lived with us for wonderful 9 months of pregnancy and exciting 2 ½ years of life outside the womb. May everyone know about her sweetness and tenderness. About her life, humanity and dignity. All the precious lessons learned with this little angel that God has sent us. It was a joy to have her with us. Vitoria still lives in our hearts and it will always be an honor to be her parents!
“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever”. Psalm 52:8
26 months recovering from flu and fears
To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. Psalms 22:5; 24
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 1 João 4:16-17
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:16-19
Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother's breast.
From birth I was cast on you; from my mother's womb you have been my God. Salmos 22:9-10
This week on Monday ourlitle girl started to complaina lot ...Ido notknow how manyteetharegrowing,because whilenew teethbegin to emerge,the oldare stillfinishingdawn. She wassalivatingso much,and the pacifierwas sucked furiously.
Hernose was a littlerunny,and at night shebeganto get very,very nervous- she seemed to be ingreat pain.We werevery concernedbecause theonly time shehad beensoagitatedwaswhen she hadaseriousinfection at the beginningof the year.I was verynervous andanxious, soabout 3:30 amwe wentto the hospital.
In other timeswe would have waited a little more,but nowwe never knowwhensomethingcanbe moreserious or not.Once thereshe was in fever, at 38ºC.I was moreanxiousstill, because even withserious infectionsshe rarelyhas a fever. They didblood and urine testsas well aschest X-ray.
We spent the nightin aboxin the emergency roomof HospitalSabara and she wasgraduallycalming- she was stillbusybuttook thepacifier anddozedalittle.Untilcollectthe tests, the resultis ready,and the doctorcometalk to us, it was about9 am. Thedoctor saidthe testswere good and she also looked ok, so shedid not have tobe hospitalized. She recommendedAlivium for teeth andinhalation andsalineinto the nose. She asked me togive her liquidtosee if she coulddrink,and thenwe came home- until we get outof there, andwith traffic,weget home almost1 pm!
It was a dificult night,very tiring!GrandmaCidawas with me,and we weretaking turnsonbecause there was onlyonechair to sit on Vitoria's side.Neverfeltso sleepy!
Back home,Vitoriawould not eatfood butacceptedajuice.Throughout the day she wasgettingthe flu, on Wednesdayshe drinked with difficulty.Thursday she wasalittle better, but with anannoyingcough. The coughpersists, but sheis eatingwell,despite beingvery sleepy.
Iheld myselfnot to goto the ERagain becauseof the flu andcough, I havewondereda thousand thingsand thinking that shehad to takeanotherx-ray andbeseenby a doctor again.But I seethat she is fine, it's justaflu likeshe has hadon other occasions. We do not needto take herto the hospitalall the time,doing andredoingexams. Since lateJanuarywe alreadytook hertwo more timesto the emergency roomfor testsbecause shewas a littleupset,worried thatshe wasagain withurinary tract infection.
Since the lastseriousadmissionshe had inJanuaryI'm feelingvery tiredphysically and emotionally, I realize thatlittle thingsmake mevery upset, whennormally Iwould dealwith situationsmore calmly.
The way shebecame illat other times(Octoberand January), withrapid worsening,and the last timethe testswerestillmaskedwithout accusinginfection,and the next dayshe wasgoing intoseptic shock-itwas verytraumatic and difficult. Nowevery time shestarts tocomplain a littlelongerI'mworried that it might be startingall over again,and trydesperately tobe prepared toactquicklyand not allowher to feelpain andhaveto go throughtreatment asinvasiveas at other times.
Welive withthe perspectiveof losing hersince thebeginning of pregnancy,and it is notexactly this that scares me most, though, of course, we will never beprepared. But whatafflicts meis the perspective ofseeing hersuffer, and can nothelp her.Of course,throughoutthis journey, there is nosingle stepwe havetakenwithout the aid ofGod,and it is onlywith Himthat we will go forward.
We're allpretty tired,and we see thatnot onlyher,but wealso need totake care of us,go to the doctor, seeking helpto accomplish thisjourney thatin recent months hasbeen a littlemore tiringand stressful.
At the same time,our daughteris stillso beautifuland belovedhere, sheinspirescares,and ifone handis tiring, it is alsowonderful totake care of her,see her grow,to communicate with us, feelour loveand rewardinher ownunique language, witch we striveto understandandtry to translate tothose around us.A language thatisfrom beginning to endof love,purity,trust and surrender.
Since the beginningof this journey, we know thatwe must liveone dayat a time,and lovewith all our hearteach day as ifit were unique.
I seemy daughteras a precioustreasure that Godhas entrusted to me, andwhichI must take carewith alldiligence,with all love,as themore rareand valuabletreasureI ever had inmy hands.And oneday when God call herback, I cantell him, withpeace inmy heart thatI loved her, protected her looked for her life more than bymy ownlife, withall my strength,and trust thatthenfrom that momentGod will take careof her for me.
I thinkI now understandbetter whythe apostlePaul saidthat love isthe most important giftand for what we shouldseek moreeagerly.Evenwhen faithfalters,when hopeis gone,if lovestill lingers,it is possible torediscoverthe faith, to revivehope andmove on.
And sowe go forward, rebuildingourselves,recovering fromfluand fears,and sowe have completed26 monthsalong withour belovedVitoriade Cristo,morebeautiful,sweeter than ever,moreloved, to the gloryof God!